Why?

His face donned with a pitiful expression, the man sighs.
“I’m sorry, there’s nothing we can do.”
Another sigh, a shake of his head and he’s sending her out of the door.
“we’ll see you in six months!”

No longer can she hold it in. The silent tears roll down her puffy cheeks, hot and heavy against her pale skin. Her mouth opens but the words cannot be formed for her mouth is much too dry.

In her head so many new questions swirl around like a puff of smoke. “why will no one help me?” “why does nobody understand?

At home the girl stands before the mirror. Make-up, her attempt to make herself feel better, is now running down her face and has pooled at the neck of her shirt. Without the highlights of foundation and blusher her face is hollow. Collar bones stick out from her neck, square bony shoulders, ribs that you can count. One, two three… Hip bones protruding from her shorts, thin bony legs, the muscles have lone been gone, broken down in a last attempt to keep her body running.

The voice. It’s here again. Of course it is. It never leaves just like an unwanted visiter.
“Fat. Look at that! Fat. Fat. Fat.”
The girl swallows.
“No!” she says out loud. “No I am not!”
Shaking now, every inch of her quivers.

The voice, it’s presence is fading, she can feel it. Then before she can exhale,
“No one will ever love you when you look like that.” The venom in it’s words still sting for a moment and then…

Silence.

Sweet, blissful silence. Until tomorrow. Then it begins all over again.

Nothing…and everything

The summer holidays are practically over *boo!* and I thought as I haven’t posted anything In ages (Again) I would do a little post containing my late night, (ish) sleep deprived, crazy ramblings. So here goes.

What’s new?

Last week I was at my aunties with my little cousins. I had a brilliant time 🙂 while I was there I managed to get through three books in four days…maybe I have issues :/ I swear normal people my age don’t read this much. Meh…I’m not normal and I think we’ve established that already 🙂

New topic? He has a girlfriend. Meh what’s the point in being sad about it? If he’s happy and all that shabum-bum…

Next topic? My bestie asked me to mention him so here goes, he was sad today because of reasons :/ and I didn’t know how to make him feel better and that was really horrible for me :/ but I think he’s okay now 🙂 so that’s good. On a happier note he’s amazing 🙂

New topic? Okay so you know something that really annoys me, when someone passes away and the people that didn’t even know them are like “aww it’s such a shame their gone she was such a lovely person” or ” he was so kind and generous the world will be a darker place without his smile” and such things :/ yes that annoys me because how can someone who didn’t even know them say things like that? You didn’t know them! You never met them you’ve just heard people that knew them talk about how great they were. And if you couldn’t say how amazing a person is while their alive what use is it when their gone? If you think someone is awesome… TELL THEM! Please if you’re reading this an you’re thinking of someone you really look up to/ think are amazing/think work hard etc. Tell them right now, call them, text them, email them! Let them know because you might just make their day 🙂 just helping to spread a little happiness 😉

Ooooohh guess what! I might be getting a little rabbit! :’) awww I’ll keep you updated but for now that’s all the rambling I can think of 🙂

Smile…it won’t hurt you 🙂

Work

Do you remember my blog about work experience? Well…I have (/had) a summer job! 🙂 that is my excuse for not blogging for…quite a while 😉

I’ve been getting up at 6am, catching two buses then getting to work for 8am. Then I work till 4pm. And…I absolutely LOVE it! 🙂 I’m exhausted but it’s great 🙂 and the bonus is that I get paid! 🙂 so for the first time I have my own money.

Moral?…working is great, but tiring. 🙂

Smile…it won’t hurt you 🙂

August

It’s august and unless you don’t read my pathetic little blog that means a new monthly resolution. *cheers from audience*

Last month I was (supposed to be) walking my dog…I explained in my previous post that I have a Job now so if it makes up for it I’ve been walking many dogs, none of which mine but still 😛

This month as I am a (social reject, socially challenged, outcast, have social anxiety…all by choice :/ well kinda) shy person 🙂 I will try to be more outgoing and get of the house as much as I can 🙂

That’s all I have…smile 🙂 it won’t hurt you 🙂