The Question

The title of this posts makes it seem like I’m going to be discussing philosophical questions…this however is not the case.

I am currently pondering the question:

“Should I or should I not text him?”

Now usually if someone asked me this I’d immediately respond with well of course, if you want to speak to someone then just speak to them. You shouldn’t have to wait for someone to message you first if you really want to talk. But I don’t really think my situation is typical/normal (yes I know that’s what everyone says but if you only knew) and besides the way our last conversation ended wasn’t too great.

So yes, I’m sulking, drowning my sorrows in Disney movies and fluffy cosy socks. I shall not succumb to my desires. I know it just ends up with me worse off in the end.

I’d like to say I’ll do things differently next year but I can almost guarantee I’ll be sat her in a year still hopelessly in love with a guy that couldn’t care less. (Excuse the melodrama 😉 )

Smile…It wont hurt you 🙂

Click.Breathe.Write-Coffee shop addition

The tips of her fingers pressed hard to her temples. This build up of emotions was becoming too much. Soon she would be  like a fiery gas ball and disappear into the depths of the universe. But for now she was here. And she had a job to do.

2.30am, the significance of this? There is none. It was simply the time she arose every morning to find him there. If there was one thing you could count on, it was his visits. Two eyes, charcoal black, pierced through her living room window.

As she reached out to unhook the catch, a cold wind swirled around her. She could feel the energy surge through her. It was him. This familiar feeling was welcomed. It gave her sanctuary. It was the release valve of the pressure. It was how she remained whole.

‘Tis the season

4 days until the big day. No I am not prepared. No, I’m not really that excited. Is it an age thing? A stress thing? A weather thing…I mean COME ON! It’s four bloody days until Christmas and the temperature of the UK is at a disappointedly high 12 degrees. Its supposed to be snowing, it is the season to be jolly but how can I when people are running into you, too self-absorbed with their frantic last minute shopping, to notice that yes I am an actual person with actual pain-receptors in the arm you just barged into.

I went into my local city today to get presents for the N-Children. ( N-Children: A collective noun I created as there is no word for an aunties or uncles nieces and nephews. Think about it, grandparents have granddaughters and grandsons-known as grandchildren. But there was not a word to describe my sisters off spring. ) As you would expect four days before Christmas it was packed full with people. I lost count of how many people walked into me or impatiently tutted and sighed at me. I’m sorry but when you’re in a fairly small shop with a queue the whole length of said shop, no I cannot move out of your way as there is a human barrier surrounding me.

My faith in humanity was however restored on my journey home when a little (I am aware that stereotypically old women are described as small but she was okay?!) old lady began chatting to me excitedly about her Christmas plans. Manners, kindness and lending an ear cost nothing. I thoroughly enjoyed talking to her and I had a smile on my face all the way home. Its the little things that make you see that for all the negativity in the world, there is so much positivity too. 🙂

Smile…It wont hurt you 🙂

 

Click.Breath.Write.

Hey…so I have absolutely no idea what this will be I just wanted to write.

Ehh, okay so these things called ‘A-levels’ do a strange things to you. (Specifically me in this example) Everything I loved, Writing, reading, I lost interest in.

I lost the will to read. Reading! My one main love and passion. I didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t bring myself to pick up a book, it seemed like too much effort. Like too much of my time would be wasted.

Writing. Why? What is there to write, what is the point?

Crazy right? The amount of pressure students are under is ridiculous. Work, work work and guess what, more work. Personal statements, uni applications, work experience, keeping up with A2 work. There is no end. Now I am so thankful for the Christmas break I’m on right now. But it isn’t a break…not really because there’s revision for mocks when I get back, presents to buy and wrap, keeping up social relations, family relationships and relaxation to fit in.

Good news, no matter how sad this post sounds, I found the will to read and I’ve remembered just how amazing it is. And writing right now, the words flowing from my brain, its like therapy for the soul. I think I’ve found my will to write again. 🙂

Smile…It wont hurt you! 🙂