4 Steps to Happiness: The Princess Formula

Like most girls my age, I was raised on an entertainment diet of Disney. For years I’d watch and learn the tried, tested and trusted formula for happiness. Allow me to enlighten you. Introducing The Princess Formula.

(Sh*t life + Prince) – evil enemy = Happily Ever After.

(At least that’s what Disney teaches us)

Step 1: Life will be sh*tty.

This one’s a given. Cinders didn’t get her prince on Amazon, no. She stuck it out, carried on with her awful life and cleaned until everything was as stunning as her future glass slippers. Snow White’s step mother wished her dead. Sleeping Beauty was cursed. Etc. Short story- Somebody hates you.

Step 2: Just when you thought life couldn’t get any worse, you catch a break.

After all of that waiting on everyone else, Finally it’s your chance to have happiness. You’ll have the greatest night of your life and think that it couldn’t possibly get better than this. (Spoiler-It can’t.)

Step 3: Lol, no.

You get b*tch slapped across the face so hard you probably have concussion. Reality has caught up with you and it’s back to sweeping up for your ugly sisters. The natural order has returned and life is sh*t again.

**This is where Disney adds it’s magic. You see in real life, that’s it. A little happiness and then a lifetime of sh*t.**

Step 4: Rescue Arrives.

He comes riding up on a white horse, promises to love you forever and you ride away into the sunset to live happily ever after. Congratulations. *Sarcastic clapping*

Life could never be that simple. Call me cynical if you like but I’ve lost faith that a guy will ever rescue me. Maybe I’m doomed to be miserable for the rest of my life or maybe, just maybe, one day i’ll save up enough to buy my own white horse and ride off into my own happily ever after. In fact, make it a unicorn.

I think I prefer that ending anyway.

Smile…It wont hurt you 🙂

The Final Night

18 years of junk-or as much as would fit into limited boxes-has been piled into the family car. I finally finished packing as the car was being loaded.

Tonight is my final night in my family home. As I type this my NSBFBF, or as I see her now, my sister is in the shower and I’m sprawled on what has became her bed. It’s funny how life changes. How relationships change. How people change.

In so many ways I think I’m nothing like the little girl I used to be. I’d like to think I’ve matured and grown into a better version of myself. In reality I’m still that scared little girl, afraid of the next chapter of her life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thoroughly excited to begin the next chapter in this story called ‘My Life’ .  Truly I am. But when I step out of this house tomorrow, everything changes. I can’t even play the part of child or girl again. As much as my numerical age depicts that I am a woman, I don’t think I’ll actually feel it until I leave.

Woman…Adult. Such frightening nouns. How an it be that a simple string of letters makes me feel afraid? I do not wish to grow up. As much as I crave freedom and independence, surely life is so much simpler in the comfort of our own home?

I hope I like my new home. I hope I get along with my new neighbours. I hope I don’t lose this incredible friendship I have built with my best friend. I can’t bare to leave her, yet I must. How the heck am I going to survive without her? She is my rock. She is my own personal jester. No one I have ever met truly understands me like she does. And I don’t think they ever can, could or will.